i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We have started to decorate penises.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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