I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
