weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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