worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
