theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
