both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
