...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
