I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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