After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
