i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
