i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
