Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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