I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
