Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
