i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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