life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
