Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
