yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize