I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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