Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
