Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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