I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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