there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
