If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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