I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
