nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
