I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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