Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
