Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
