And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize