Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
