is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I need to sanitize my soul.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
