ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
