last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
