so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize