Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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