so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
