I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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