umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Are we still banned from the library?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
