That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
