Banned from zoo.
Again?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
