I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
