For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Sober January is a disaster.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
