Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
