I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
