he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
