I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
