Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
