They should really pass out barf bags in church
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Randomize
