I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
