He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
