Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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