GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
