You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
