Have you finally orgasmed yet?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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