You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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