he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
