explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
