woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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