I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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