I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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