i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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