My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just want to make out with him forever
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
