you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
