You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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