Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
