Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
