I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
